Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

A Strange Phrase by ~MissUnderstand:iconMissUnderstand:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Mature Romance > Open


I am still
getting used to
these words,

And the way that
they have come
to roll off my tongue
with incredible ease;

And I still can’t believe
how my ears have become
accustomed to hearing
them from you;

But I really quite enjoy
Saying ‘I love you.’
©2009 ~MissUnderstand
:iconmissunderstand:

Author's Comments

Oh, mushy mushy, I know. I'm sorry.
This isn't done, I'm not feeling the flow,
but I don't know when I'll get around to re-working it so I'm postig it now.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsilent-entrance:
~silent-entrance May 17, 2009, 11:47:55 PM
Absolutely lovely.
I know that my writing is so far below yours it is ridiculous, but can I give some not-needed advice?

And the way that
they have come
to roll off my tongue
with incredible ease;

Something about the first 2 lines is a bit off, and I think that is what is messing up the flow. I think it might be that the 'they' is on a new line. Or maybe I'm just insane, your choice.
Amazing job, either way

--
every night i get a little bit closer to the kind of truth that's not worth thinking about.
:iconblue-strawberry:
~blue-strawberry May 18, 2009, 11:52:02 PM
:)

:heart:

--
You have four nostrils, just to let you know.
:iconmissunderstand:
~MissUnderstand May 19, 2009, 11:28:57 AM
:blush:

--
----
I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.
:iconmissunderstand:
~MissUnderstand May 19, 2009, 11:29:26 AM
Thanks :)

--
----
I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.
:iconautumnclarity:
~AutumnClarity May 25, 2009, 1:50:49 AM
Lol :giggle:, 'mushy mushy' is a good thing if it means you're happy :D! As for some advice on re-working this, consider shifting 'to' at the beginning of the third line to the end of second line so it becomes like this:

"I am still
getting used to
these words"

This is just to play around with the line breaks and place more emphasis on 'these words', as they play a central role in this piece.

--
"I must remember it has always been like this: those Trojan women learning their fates; the simple sharpness of the guillotine. A filigree of cruelty adorns every culture." (Linda Pastan – A Rainy Country)
:iconmissunderstand:
~MissUnderstand Jun 4, 2009, 12:28:35 PM
I think I will change it.
I don't read it any differently either way, but I think thats only because I know what I want it to sound like... I think you are right though.

And thank you, I'm glad you liked the mushy side of me :D

--
----
I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.
:iconinfrunitas:
=Infrunitas Jul 8, 2009, 6:33:04 AM
It's definitely the purest of the pure, my friend.

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb
:iconmissunderstand:
~MissUnderstand Jul 24, 2009, 3:41:48 PM
:heart:

--
----
I'm not going to ask you to,
but it would be nice,
if my gallery had visit from you.
Previous PageNext Page

Details

May 17
448 bytes

Statistics

9
1 [who?]
77 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy